How can you adjust your essay to flow more naturally as a story?
As you rehearse your speech, you may notice right away that there are some differences between written and spoken storytelling. For instance, sentences that seemed fine on the written page may come across a little awkward or clunky when spoken out loud. That's why you'll need to revise your reflection one more time before you present it as a story.
Don't worry—we're not talking about major edits here. In this round, you'll want to work on strengthening transitions, smoothing over rough patches, and getting rid of unnecessary words. Your big ideas and overall structure should remain the same.
Let's take a closer look at how Henry Haggard transformed his essay into a speech. Compare each excerpt from Henry's original essay to the version edited for performance. See if you can figure out why or how these edits helped Henry's reflection work as a speech.
Essay
Speech
After doing some research online, I found the Sacred Heart Center, which helps Latinos learn to speak English and become citizens.
Soon after, I came across the Sacred Heart Center, which helps Latinos learn English and become citizens in Richmond, Virginia.
Question
Why does the edited version work better as a speech? How can you apply this approach to your own speech?
It creates a transition that is simpler and more to the point, and it also establishes the setting for the story—Richmond, Virginia. In your edits, do whatever you can to help your listener understand where and when the story takes place so that they have an easier time picturing the setting.
Essay
Speech
Riding in the passenger seat as my mom drove me to the Sacred Heart Center, I barely noticed the stoplights and shops for the next twenty minutes. Suddenly, the car stopped at a large building that had once housed a Catholic school but was now home to the Sacred Heart Church.
After a brief skirmish with the locked front door, I was finally inside the church, ready for whatever chaos would ensue. The immense building, with its arched doors and long hallways seemed to tower over me. Not long after I was inside, though, the little niños strolled in one by one.
In the passenger seat on the way there, I barely noticed the onslaught of stoplights and consignment shops for the next 20 minutes. Suddenly, the car stopped. After a brief skirmish with a locked front door, I was finally inside the building, ready for whatever chaos would sure ensue. The whole building with its architectural grandeur, arched halls, big doors, and even a gym seemed to tower over me.
Not long after, the little niños strolled in one by one.
Question
Why does the edited version work better as a speech? How can you apply this approach to your own speech?
Notice that Henry removes some unimportant details while making others more descriptive. He replaces "as my mom drove me to the Sacred Heart Center" with the simpler "on the way there," and he adds more vivid imagery of the drive with "the onslaught of stoplights and consignment shops." He also shortens the next sentence: "Suddenly, the car stopped." This creates a dramatic pause, making the audience wonder what will happen next. He adds another transition by starting a new paragraph with "Not long after …"
As you're editing your own essay, consider which details are unnecessary distractions and which help your listeners picture the scene. Also consider where pauses may help the pacing of your story.
Essay
Speech
On the last Tuesday in July—my last day as a volunteer, I was supervising a soccer game, and one boy refused to let another kid play on his team.
Keep in mind, everything was hands on. Well, everything except soccer. During one of our games, one boy didn't let another play.
Question
Why does the edited version work better as a speech? How can you apply this approach to your own speech?
Henry's little joke about everything being "hands-on" except soccer is a welcome addition. Humor helps relieve tension, raise audience interest, and make the speaker seem more likeable and relatable. If you can, try to inject a little humor in your story presentation.
Essay
Speech
I realized that I could spend my time watching YouTube and eating hummus (I'll admit—that was a big chunk of my summer), or I could take more initiative and try things that put me outside my comfort zone.
That summer, I made a decision. I could have spent the whole time watching YouTube and eating hummus. I'll admit that was a big part of it. But I took initiative. I didn't want anyone to feel alone or left out, so I started volunteering.
Question
Why does the edited version work better as a speech? How can you apply this approach to your own speech?
Henry breaks up this passage into smaller sentences and uses more informal language for his presentation. Long, complicated sentences and formal diction are great for an essay, but they don't translate well to speech. Make your writing less formal and your sentences less complex and your audience will thank you.
Essay
Speech
But these doubts were just words, and I learned that a deed is worth so much more. During my time as a camp counselor, it became clear to me that even if I can't save the world, I can still do my part in helping it run a little more smoothly. I don't want anyone to feel alone or left out, and that is something I can do a lot to prevent.
Well, these doubts were just words, and I've learned that a deed is worth so much more than that. At camp, it became clear that even if I can't save the world, I can still do my part in helping it run just a little bit more smoothly.
Question
Why does the edited version work better as a speech? How can you apply this approach to your own speech?
Henry gets rid of the last line from his essay when presenting his story. This deletion helps his speech finish on the central message, leaving the audience something to think about and reflect on. End on a strong note by making sure your last sentence reinforces your key insight.
Using the examples of edits on this page as models, edit your own essay to create a script for your speech. Also include any edits you decided to make while rehearsing your speech. If you're presenting in front of an audience, writing your speech out on notecards in clear handwriting is an option. However, you can also send your speech to a handheld tablet or smartphone and use a large, easy-to-read font to refer to as you go.
