Listening skills are just as important as speaking skills in helping to avoid miscommunication and maintain healthy relationships. These skills, too, require regular practice.
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What NOT to Do
- Do not use “blocking” body language, such as crossing arms, crossing legs, leaning far back in a chair, or turning your head down or to the side. Unlike “open” body language, “blocking” body language suggests you have a lack of respect for the conversation or the speaker and that you’d rather be anywhere else but there.
- Do not interrupt when others are talking. Just don’t. Occasionally, you may need to interrupt for a good reason. If so, apologize first. Then, say the important thing you need to share.
- Do not engage in some other activity while listening to the other person. Continuing to do homework or watch a TV show when another person wants to have a serious conversation is rude. Exceptions to this rule would be taking notes about the conversation or eating food when a conversation takes place during a meal. Otherwise, put down that smart phone and turn it over! Better still, put it in a purse or pocket out of sight.
- Never assume you know what the other person is going to say. Even if you think you know, wait for the person to say it to be sure. It is rude and disrespectful to finish someone else’s sentences. Some people talk more slowly than others, often because of cultural differences.
What to Do
- Make eye contact to show you are interested and paying attention. But don’t stare.
- Do not interrupt when others are talking. Just don’t. Occasionally, you may need to interrupt for a good reason. If so, apologize first. Then, say the important thing you need to share.
- Concentrate on what is being said. This skill is related to stopping all activities to listen. Let’s say you are driving and your passenger wants to have a serious conversation with you. Concentrating on what your passenger is saying would be hard because you need to concentrate on driving. What should you do? The safest options would be to pull over to a safe spot and listen or to ask your passenger if he or she can wait until you can give listening your full attention.
- Ask questions. That’s the best way to be sure you understand the speaker’s message. Sometimes you may feel shy about asking a speaker to clarify or repeat an idea using different words. But remember, the speaker wants you to understand the message.
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