Joe had written a story, and he was pretty excited about it. It had a great conflict, a sympathetic character, and lots of action. However, when he asked Olivia to read it, she only got through the first page before handing it back. "Sorry, Joe," she said. "I just couldn't get into it." Joe wondered why she wasn't interested, and asked Olivia what was wrong. She answered, "There's all this stuff going on--apparently for no reason!"
Joe realized he had fallen into the trap of many beginning writers: He had gotten so involved in creating his story's exposition, describing his characters and their world, that he had simply forgotten to reveal the story's conflict. The conflict, though, is what grabs readers and makes them want to continue reading. To engage your readers, to get and keep their attention, you need to place the conflict as close as possible to the beginning of the narrative.
Read the possible story openings on each of the tabs below. One buries the conflict within a large amount of less important description, while the other gets right to the conflict. Which story you would prefer to read?
Story Opening 1
Story Opening 2
It was a glorious day. Kiki woke early and decided to walk to the community center to work out a bit in the gym before breakfast. Afterwards, she took a leisurely stroll by the river, enjoying the new spring smells as the river rushed along. When she got home, her brother Amos was in the yard digging. She smiled. Amos was always busy doing something, and she wandered over to see what he was up to now. He was so funny, and since their dad had left he seemed to think he was the man of the family. As she approached now, though, she realized something was wrong. He looked at her, his face feverish, his eyes wide. A chill crept through her suddenly, and she wondered what he was burying.
"What is it?" she asked. "Amos, what's wrong?"
"I did something bad," he said. She looked down and saw the glint of metal. He was burying a gun, and in a hoarse voice he growled, "You didn't see this."
How soon do you find out about the story's conflict? Soon enough?
Most readers are likely to feel that there's too much description provided before the author reveals the conflict. The description related to Kiki's morning should be eliminated--or moved to later in the story--so readers can get to the conflict sooner.
Kiki's morning turned from glorious to grim in a matter of seconds. She stood looking down at her beloved brother Amos, "the man of the family" since their dad had bailed, as he tried to bury something in their yard.
It wasn't just any something, though. It was a gun. Amos only glanced at Kiki, his face feverish, his eyes wide, and a chill crept through her as he spoke in a hoarse whisper, "You didn't see this."
How does this story beginning compare to the one on the first tab?
In this story beginning, the quality of Kiki's morning is described in one sentence, and then the story gets right to the point: Kiki's beloved brother has done something involving a gun, and she will have to decide what to do about it. When the author announces the story's main problem right away, it grabs the readers' attention and makes them want to find out what Kiki will do.
