Once you’ve added the details that your readers will need to understand your story’s characters and follow the story’s events, focus on making your fairy tale sound more like a story. Even though you’ve made changes already, your second draft may sound more like an explanation of the story than a narrative written to engage and entertain readers.
Compare the two passages below to see how Owen revised his story one more time to add suspense and a storytelling style.
Once upon a time, there lived a nobleman’s daughter named Scarlet who had bright red hair and was very beautiful. Scarlet felt that, being as beautiful as she was, she was entitled to anything she wanted. For instance, she fully believed that she would get to marry the kingdom’s prince when she was of age.
Scarlet’s feeling of entitlement was helped by the fact that she was always given anything and everything she wanted―and given no chores or responsibilities. Scarlet had seven horses and more jewelry than her mother and sister combined. Once she even demanded to have an entire hallway built in her home, just for her.
One day, Scarlet’s mother asked her to deliver medicine to an old sick man that helped the family gain their riches. Scarlet complained for a while, but reluctantly agreed, hoping the old man might reward her. Maybe he’d give her coins or sweets for having gone through the trouble of doing something for someone other than herself.
Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was called Scarlet, because of her bright red hair. Scarlet believed that, being beautiful and of noble birth, she was destined to marry a rich and powerful prince once she was old enough. In fact, Scarlet believed that she deserved to marry such a prince. After all, she had been given anything and everything she ever wanted. Already she had seven horses, more jewelry than her mother and sister combined, and even an entire hallway of rooms built just for her.
Scarlet rarely did any chores and had no real responsibilities at home. However, one day her mother asked her to take some medicine to an old man who had helped the family gain their riches, and had now fallen ill. Scarlet complained for a while, but then finally agreed. The truth was, Scarlet thought that maybe the old man would reward her. Perhaps he would give her some coins or sweets for having gone through the trouble of finding his house.
Question
What kinds of changes did Owen make between his second draft and his third draft?
Click the button below to read the complete third draft of Owen’s story, “Scarlet’s Lesson.” Notice how his changes make the story easier and more fun to read.
Use some of the strategies you learned from Owen’s process to revise your retelling of a fairy (or folk) tale one more time.
Turn it in!
When you are satisfied that your story is the best that it can be, submit it to your teacher. Your work on this assignment will be graded using the rubric below.
| Superior 5 points |
Average 3 points |
Poor 1 point |
|---|---|---|
| Basic Story Elements | ||
| Your story includes all of the elements that are key to a fairy tale’s success: setting, a protagonist, a conflict, plot events, and a moral or theme. The elements work together really well to retell the fairy tale or folk tale you chose. | Your story includes all of the elements that are key to a fairy tale’s success: setting, a protagonist, a conflict, plot events, and a moral or theme. | Your story includes some―but not all―of the elements that are key to a fairy tale’s success: setting, a protagonist, a conflict, plot events, and a moral or theme. |
| Elaboration | ||
| You provide very vivid and precise details in your story. These details make it easy to imagine every part of your story. | You provide specific and interesting details to “flesh out” the “bones” of your story. These details make your story’s characters and events easier to imagine. | You provide few or no specific details, which makes your story harder to imagine. |
| Storytelling Style | ||
| Your story is written in a style that makes it a pleasure to read, with plenty of sentence variety and transition words or phrases to make it flow smoothly. | Your story is written in an easy-to-read style, using sentence variety and transition words or phrases to make it flow smoothly. | Your story is written in a style that sounds less like a story and more like a summary or book report. Your story needs more sentence variety and transition words or phrases to make it flow smoothly. |
