Once you’ve written your first draft, you’ve created the “bones” of your story. All of its essential parts are committed to paper―or to screen, at least. Now it’s time to think about revision, and how to “flesh out” your story so that it seems more real to readers.
One of the most useful strategies for revising a story is to elaborate, or add details that make a character, event, or scene easier to imagine. Elaboration is the act of describing something at greater length or in greater detail. It rarely happens during the drafting stage of the writing process, when writers are focused on making sure to include all of the necessary story elements.
Take a look at what Owen added to the first two paragraphs of “Scarlet’s Lesson” between the first draft and the second draft.
Once upon a time, there lived a nobleman’s daughter named Scarlet who had bright red hair and was very beautiful. She felt that she was entitled to anything she wanted. Scarlet’s feeling of entitlement was helped by the fact that she was always given anything and everything she wanted―and given no chores or responsibilities.
One day, Scarlet’s mother asked her to deliver medicine to an old sick man. Scarlet complained for a while, but reluctantly agreed, hoping the old man might reward her.
Once upon a time, there lived a nobleman’s daughter named Scarlet who had bright red hair and was very beautiful. Scarlet felt that, being as beautiful as she was, she was entitled to anything she wanted. For instance, she fully believed that she would get to marry the kingdom’s prince when she was of age.
Scarlet’s feeling of entitlement was helped by the fact that she was always given anything and everything she wanted―and given no chores or responsibilities. Scarlet had seven horses and more jewelry than her mother and sister combined. Once she even demanded to have an entire hallway built in her home, just for her.
One day, Scarlet’s mother asked her to deliver medicine to an old sick man that helped the family gain their riches. Scarlet complained for a while, but reluctantly agreed, hoping the old man might reward her. Maybe he’d give her coins or sweets for having gone through the trouble of doing something for someone other than herself.
Question
What kinds of details did Owen add to his story?
Can you see how elaboration can really improve a story, by making it more entertaining to read? Try this revision strategy with your own retelling. Add words, phrases, and sentences that can help your readers imagine the setting, understand the characters, and identify the story’s conflict. Make these revisions to your story before going on to the next page in this lesson.
