After you complete the draft of your historical narrative, it is time to revise your writing. When you revise you make big improvements to the voice, ideas, and organization of your writing. Revising your work ensures you have effectively communicated your thoughts and ideas to your reader.
In order to write an effective historical narrative, you want to clearly explain what happened while keeping your reader’s interest. Rather than just listing the series of events, you want to be sure you have used vivid and detailed language so the reader can see the action. We call this strategy “show, don’t tell”. You want to show your reader what is happening, not tell them. How can the author of the sentences below revise so she is showing the reader the action?
Look at the following passage from a student’s historical narrative. Notice how the paragraph merely “tells” the action and the series of events reads as a list.
Once the rain started, we knew we were in trouble. Water was going down the street and then started to get closer to the house. My mom said to pack some things into a backpack. My brother and I packed clothes and my mom and dad grabbed important papers. Then the boat came. We got on and went to an evacuation center.
How can the writer make this passage more interesting to read? Jot down some notes about what you would add to the paragraph or what you would suggest that the writer add. Then click the button below to see a revised version.
Once the rain started we knew our troubles were just beginning. The relief we felt after the hurricane eye had passed was gone and suddenly we were faced with the same insecurities as we had been a few days prior. Looking out the window I saw sheets of rain pouring from the sky. It was as if we were standing directly under a bucket. The water was rushing down the street as if I were watching the rapids on a river. As the water began rising toward the house, I felt the anxiety rising from the pit of my stomach to my throat. What was going to happen? How were we going to escape this water? I was interrupted from my thoughts by my mom yelling at my brother and I, “Hurry get some stuff and pack it into your backpacks, we don’t have much time. Only bring what you can fit into your backpack. Dad and I will get our own things.” With that the frenzy started up again. My brother and I ran to our rooms to grab a few things while my parents were gathering any important papers we might need to help us through the next few days. As I stood in my room with my backpack in hand I was absorbed back into my thoughts. What does one pack when your house is about to be flooded by water? How does one make that kind of decision?
I didn’t have long to contemplate as I heard my dad yell up the stairs, “I hear it, I hear the boat. We have to get outside and wave them down so they know we need help. There is no time for anything else. COME NOW!”
My brother and I rushed down the stairs taking the steps two at a time and met my parents near the front door. It was hard to imagine that a boat was coming down our flooded street and that was how we were going to be rescued. Who were these saviors that were putting their own lives at risk to save mine?
Now it is your turn to revise your narrative. Using the revision strategies discussed on this page, read through your narrative and identify places in your writing where you tell the action rather than show it. Using the revision section on the activity sheet, rewrite these sections to include action, descriptive language, and dialogue. After you complete the activity, revise your narrative adding in your changes. Save a version of this draft, you will turn it in with your final draft
