The best way to get good at revising sentences for clarity is to practice this important skill! In the space provided, rewrite each passage. At the end of this activity, when you have revised all of the passages, compare your revisions to our sample ones.
Star City Glass Company made bottles. I was in high school. They closed their plant in West Virginia. They moved to my hometown in Rhode Island.
When her real father leaves, the child tries to run after him, but her mother pulls her inside the house, and the child runs to the window and tries to open it, only to be carried from it, too.
The fire was doused. My mother worked patiently, turning the ashes of the leaves into the garden's soil. My brother and I hauled the rest of the leaves into a pile behind the woodshed.
They say that of all the senses, hearing is the last to go, but smell hasn't left me yet either, and maybe I will die tonight, maybe tomorrow, but I'm alive for now, and I still remember the aroma of all the various glues and pastes, turpentine and solvent, that odd slimy firmness of real clay, and then a bright flash: the miracle of perspective drawing.
| Your Responses | Sample Answers |
|---|---|
| Star City Glass Company made bottles. When I was in high school, they closed their plant in West Virginia and moved to my hometown in Rhode Island. | |
| When her real father leaves, the child tries to run after him, but her mother pulls her inside the house. Then the child runs to the window and tries to open it, only to be carried from it, too. | |
| After the fire was doused, my mother worked patiently to turn the ashes of the leaves into the garden's soil, while my brother and I hauled the rest of the leaves into a pile behind the woodshed. | |
| They say that of all the senses, hearing is the last to go. But smell hasn't left me yet either. I may die tonight, maybe tomorrow, but I'm alive for now, and I still remember the aroma of all the various glues and pastes, turpentine and solvent. I remember that odd slimy firmness of real clay, and then I see a bright flash: the miracle of perspective drawing. | |
