As you read your own writing, you may find sentences or phrases that are vague or confusing. More likely, your teachers or a classmate may tell you that a particular section of your story or essay is vague or confusing. Once you've identified the sections that need to be revised, consider your knowledge of sentence structure one of your most useful revision tools. Many passages can be cleared up just by changing how you've put some of the sentences together.
Read the information on each of these tabs to learn how to improve sentence structure in a way that improves your writing.
Fight Fluff
Specify
Combine
Divide
Make sure you know what you're trying to say. NO bluffing or fluffing!
It is my belief at this moment in time and based on my reading of the novel that the protagonist's dilemma is the dilemma of every teenager.
What is the writer's point in the example above?
It's really hard to tell. No revision strategy on earth will help you if you don't know what you're writing or speaking about. This writer seems to have thrown a bunch of words together, hoping to sound as though he knows what he's talking about. (English teachers call these kinds of sentences fluff, and they do NOT enjoy reading them.)
Use words and sentence structures that correctly and specifically show the relationships between your ideas. Here are some common relationships and the words that signal them.
| Relationship | Examples of Words That Signal It |
| Contrast | but, however, yet, on the other hand |
| Comparison | and, like, such as, for example |
| Time | before, after, during, when, while |
| Cause and Effect | because, due to, as a result of, in order to |
Notice what a difference it made when this writer revised the sentence structures in a passage from her story.
ORIGINAL: Jean Valjean wanted to feed his family. Jean Valjean stole a loaf of bread.
REVISION: Jean Valjean stole a loaf of bread in order to feed his family.
Which "connecting phrase" did the writer use to revise this sentence?
in order to
Combine short, choppy, repetitive sentences into longer, smoother ones. It will make your reader's experience so much more pleasant.
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ORIGINAL: Baby sea turtles hatch. They dig themselves out of their nests. The tiny turtles must cross dangerous beaches. They scramble to the safety of the ocean.
REVISION: After baby sea turtles hatch, they dig themselves out of their nests. The tiny turtles must cross dangerous beaches as they scramble to the safety of the ocean.
Which connecting words were used to revise the original passage?
after and as
Divide long, overwhelming sentences to make them clearer. Some people have the mistaken idea that long sentences are better than short sentences. The truth is that an effective sentence--long or short--is one that meets the needs of a particular spot in a particular piece of writing or speaking.
ORIGINAL: As soon as the water boils, add the previously chopped cabbage; then, set a timer for five minutes and begin assembling these ingredients--olive oil (extra virgin if you have it), red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, minced garlic, and hot sauce--which you'll need to make the dressing.
REVISION: Add the chopped cabbage to the boiling water and cook for five minutes. Meanwhile, assemble the following ingredients for the dressing: extra virgin olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, minced garlic, and hot sauce.
Which word was added to the passage to make the connections between events more clear?
meanwhile
Question
What is the best strategy for revising this sentence?
Heartworms make dogs very sick. We give our dog pills to prevent heartworms.
A possible revision might be: Because heartworms can make dogs very sick, we give our dog pills to prevent them.
