American Suspense Works (ASW) , a leading publisher of novels with thrilling plot lines, has a problem. One of the best writers in the country has come up with a promising concept for a new suspense novel, but there’s a slight problem with the scene he’s submitted: it lacks suspense. ASW does not want to lose this author—he has already made other publishers lots of money, but he has never written a “thriller” or suspense novel before. You may be ASW’s only hope of retaining this author while also publishing a novel that doesn’t disappoint their loyal readers.
As a new developmental editor for the company, you have been assigned the task of helping the author bring the scene up to the company’s high standards. Your boss, acquisitions editor Landis Hutcherson, is also counting on you because the executive editor, Myron Stillfeld, will not allow the author to submit any additional material until this scene is given the green light, and Landis wants the project to stay on track since he personally hired the author.
Read the scene below, and think about why it lacks suspense.
For the very first time, Annalise Famkavich was home alone for the entire night. Her parents were out at a church event. Her sister, Petra, was spending the night at a friend's. Her brother, Andrus, lived on campus at the state university, which was a two hour drive away.
The Famkavich home was a huge, hulking structure that was set back from the sidewalk on a large, wooded lot. The house was bordered on the south by a forest preserve, and on the east and west by the pastures of neighboring farms. Directly across the street from the house, to the north, was an abandoned church, surrounded by a large, rambling cemetery.
Getting through the night was quite an experience for Annalise. The next morning, she told her parents everything that had happened. They were alarmed and not sure whether to believe Annalise's version of events, but they assured her that they would never leave her at home alone again.
Question
What key elements of plot are missing from this scene?
